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Which, ironically, it like a large petrol station.Īlan takes over behind the sales counter while Michael goes to the stock room: Alan: Sorry, I’m not Enya.Īlan: Good pump. Captain Partridge, would you look after the fort while I go on a resupply mission?Īlan: You work in a petrol station Michael, it’s not the Gulf War. And you’re low on Bodyline Brushable Joint Sealer. He went right down right, and hit rock bottom man, and now he’s on his way back up right, but I mean he’ll never get back to where he was, ‘cause them days is over like, but he’s coming back a bit.Īlan: Well I don’t want to read that, that sounds depressing.Īlan: Michael your sales technique is awful. Michael: It’s about this local fella what used to be on television right, but, he wasn’t very good, so now he’s not. No, three, it’s got the paper hand towels, I like three, yeah. Pretend I’m a customer and try and sell me the book. Michael: You could always reduce the price, like.Īlan: What, again? Mike you’re not pushing them hard enough. Not my words, Michael, the words of Shakin’ Stevens. Better than yer book like.Īlan: Yeah, well unfortunately Michael, we live in a world where people would much rather watch clips of idiots driving cars like maniacs into berks… than a book which has been described as, and I quote ‘lovely stuff’. Michael: Hey, your road safety video’s doing well.Īlan: What, ‘Crash, Bang, Wallop! What A Video’? He’s just using the forecourt to turn round.
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Ooh, I’m all wet!Īlan: I can hear ‘em, but I can’t see ‘em.Īlan: I’m off for a mushroom slice at the BP garageĪlan is visiting Michael, who now works in a BP garage: Alan: Two Flavia frothy cappuccinos, coming right up!Īlan: Oh look, there’s that idiot in the black Hillman Imp. What have you got lined up for us Dave?ĭave: Actually its ladies’ night tonight, special night.Īlan: Ooh, maybe a wet t-shirt competition?ĭave: You’ve got to use your imagination Alan actually I tell you what there’s rather a lot of ladies in here tonight. I’m off now, time to leave you in the very capable hands of Dave Clifton, who’s going to be with you till 4am with his ‘Nightclub’. It’s basically sex music.Īlan: That was the Corrs – three little birds I think we’d all like to … prey upon, and steal their eggs. “Flatley, my dear, I don’t Riverdance… Give a damn.” Okay the votes are closed and clearly “the Rings” and “the Flies” have been roundly trounced by the quick feet of blouse-wearing tycoon Michael Flatley. “Lord of the Rings”, “of the Dance” or “of the Flies”. And I think that lots of boys on an island killing a fat boy is not so enjoyable as Gandalf, with a long white beard.Īlan: Okay, if you’ve just joined us, we’re talking about who is the best lord. Alan is in the studio, presenting Norfolk Nights: Woman: Well I enjoyed the Hobbit more than “Riverdance”.